Everything New.
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I'm really bad with this stuff because I have all the intentions of the world to keep a blog going for myself and it always fails. But since I am starting everything new for my life I figured I should also start new with this blog. I don't really know what all this blog will consist of but I do know that it will be on whatever I want to share with the world. I hope it's more revealing for myself than anything because I'm discovering myself all over again and I'm also taking the person that was once inside of me and letting her shine for once. I miss her.
So for the past year I made some wrong choices and some horrible mistakes but I coped the best way that I knew how to w/out my friends...my real friends. Without them wasn't because they weren't there for me or didn't want to be, it was because I forced them away and chose to exist w/out their love and help. I've lost a lot of people because of this. Just like real life we make stupid mistakes and choices based on trivial things or a single moment. I tend to make choices based on feelings which really has never been a good thing for me. What matters now is what I do from this day forward.
I know that even as I embark on recovered friendships and a new beginning I will still make mistakes and make wrong choices...however, this time... I hope and pray that I do not push those who love me most in this world away from me. I've learned so much and I will forever keep that in my heart. I don't know about you but for me I sometimes choose to not tell things to people because I am afraid of how they will react to it. I'm afraid that they will not support me or make me feel stupid for what I want to do. Because of this feeling I keep a lot of things within instead of just talking it out. I'm sure that if I had done this in the beginning I would of discovered something that could of saved me a lot of heartache and pain with the help of my friends.
Do you want to know what real friendship is? Real friendship is when you take in all the dirty, hurtful, mean, painful, gut-wrenching, heart pounding choices that your friend has made and you stick by them...no matter what. Real friendship is looking your friend in the face and allowing him/her to say some of the most pathetic or hurtful things to your face and you still see him/her with love and compassion. Real friends will never ever give up on you.... and can you believe that I have one?
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
NIV
I don't think that half of the world really knows what love is and those that we come across that know exactly what it is are patient, kind, content, modest, and understanding. And they are few and far between...
My best friend Jill took in all the hatred in the world from me when I was battling life and not letting her in. She took in others negativity and hate...she listened and was patient. I know she too, is only human and I have caused tears to flow from her heart and doubt to seep into her spirit but no matter what she stuck by me and she waited. Two days ago she called me out of the blue, it was in the midst of being beaten down by others and not because they hate but because their anger and hurt was all that they could see and feel. Jill called me at that moment that I had fallen to the floor and laid in complete numbness and void to the world. Her words were simple... "How are you doing? What are you doing to yourself?" and her tone was a plea to let her in, to confide in her, to trust her, and allow her to love me. My friend.... is my best friend, she is my rock, and I will never let her go again. She knows what love really is.
She sent me words of encouragement into the next day, she's helped me think straight, and has given me guidance. I am leaning on her for once and I'm letting her in. I will forever be in gratitude to God for giving me her friendship.
And so begins my next chapter.
Nevalyn/Joanna
So for the past year I made some wrong choices and some horrible mistakes but I coped the best way that I knew how to w/out my friends...my real friends. Without them wasn't because they weren't there for me or didn't want to be, it was because I forced them away and chose to exist w/out their love and help. I've lost a lot of people because of this. Just like real life we make stupid mistakes and choices based on trivial things or a single moment. I tend to make choices based on feelings which really has never been a good thing for me. What matters now is what I do from this day forward.
I know that even as I embark on recovered friendships and a new beginning I will still make mistakes and make wrong choices...however, this time... I hope and pray that I do not push those who love me most in this world away from me. I've learned so much and I will forever keep that in my heart. I don't know about you but for me I sometimes choose to not tell things to people because I am afraid of how they will react to it. I'm afraid that they will not support me or make me feel stupid for what I want to do. Because of this feeling I keep a lot of things within instead of just talking it out. I'm sure that if I had done this in the beginning I would of discovered something that could of saved me a lot of heartache and pain with the help of my friends.
Do you want to know what real friendship is? Real friendship is when you take in all the dirty, hurtful, mean, painful, gut-wrenching, heart pounding choices that your friend has made and you stick by them...no matter what. Real friendship is looking your friend in the face and allowing him/her to say some of the most pathetic or hurtful things to your face and you still see him/her with love and compassion. Real friends will never ever give up on you.... and can you believe that I have one?
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
NIV
I don't think that half of the world really knows what love is and those that we come across that know exactly what it is are patient, kind, content, modest, and understanding. And they are few and far between...
My best friend Jill took in all the hatred in the world from me when I was battling life and not letting her in. She took in others negativity and hate...she listened and was patient. I know she too, is only human and I have caused tears to flow from her heart and doubt to seep into her spirit but no matter what she stuck by me and she waited. Two days ago she called me out of the blue, it was in the midst of being beaten down by others and not because they hate but because their anger and hurt was all that they could see and feel. Jill called me at that moment that I had fallen to the floor and laid in complete numbness and void to the world. Her words were simple... "How are you doing? What are you doing to yourself?" and her tone was a plea to let her in, to confide in her, to trust her, and allow her to love me. My friend.... is my best friend, she is my rock, and I will never let her go again. She knows what love really is.
She sent me words of encouragement into the next day, she's helped me think straight, and has given me guidance. I am leaning on her for once and I'm letting her in. I will forever be in gratitude to God for giving me her friendship.
And so begins my next chapter.
Nevalyn/Joanna
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